dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
