that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
