i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
