You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
