Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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