Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
