Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
