The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
