No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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