i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
