Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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