Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
