i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
