I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
