what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
