My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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