Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
