Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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