If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
