how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
