dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
