She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
