Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish my penis had an off switch
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
