Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
