Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
