ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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