She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
