Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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