she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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