I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
