Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
