Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
