Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
