i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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