I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
