You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
