i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
