She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
