My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
