I bet he comes in French.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
