im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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