hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
