My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
