he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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