Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
