We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
