I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
