I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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