the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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