I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
